Today is another day

Another batch of days flew by me, so it seems I am just widdling away my time, I have been fighting this feeling of impending doon lately, who has that, never me before, but I have never been this low either, shit just seems to be falling apart in my life, and I get caught so far between resposnibility and love, and free lancing and not giving a fuck kind of life, my boy has had a huge influence on my life and the way I think, but I can not get the weird thioughts, and the almost llibertine urge I have for life. I am basically doing ok, but just confused and thinkg too much maybe but what the hell else is new. I love my life, and hate it, I want this life, and I want it another way, I just have a very unsettled and uincompromising view on life, and I see all these others my age, with steady jobs, steady income and a safe steay life, and truthfully it does nothign for me. I want to make sure that when I go, there is somethingleft on this earth that was not here before I was, I created it and it lives and exists, but that seems to cost me on all fronts.....anyway things are moving along well with thebands, but the lifestyl uitself is catchingup. I may start working at a bar for a few nioghts a week , just to get around people, that usually makes me feel better, and to see what folks are up to these days, maybe it will be liberating. Sometimes I feel chained in by life, love and responsibility, and than other times that is what Ithink I should be and feel and go towards it......but truthfully I am not stable when it comes to wanting the "normal" thirty something life, I want more for some reason, but sometime I just dont have the nergy to get it, so I get bogged down, stuck in the mud of my mind, trying to get somewhere I am not sure where, but being beat down by the world, life, conformity and the normal part of my brain that knows what is nromal, grew up seeing what is normal and sometimes want in fleeting moments....it seems easier and safe, but to me not living.
I guess I need help on that front, but you know what I am good guy to people, love poeple, I also love my family and love freinds, just sometimes I can not fight the urge to want something else in life, that I damn well know will not be comfortable to me either, that is just the way I am built...so I press on and see where I end uyp next, and try to find a way. I am getting more and more comfortable with the fact that I am not normal in my thinking and that has me back on the track of finding things I enjoy, I had let myself get so bogged down I forgot what I enjoyed and I am trying to learn it all over, I have not slept for 36 hours and that SUCKS.........but onworad and upward myfriends.......I am still here, still loving my family and all that is life to a point, and trying to figureout how so many peole get so satsified......I will let you know when I find it....

CD track list for songs that mean something to me and make me happy they where made, also check out Blue October's new record and the song Dig Down by Bobby Bare Jr. cool tune


Breathe (2AM) 4:39 Anna Nalick 2004 1 Breathe (2AM) -,AMMy Reply 4:13 The Ataris 2003
Into the Ocean 3:59Blue October 2006 Foiled Alternative
What If We Could 4:02 Blue October 2006 2 Foiled Alternative 4/13/2006 11:19 AM
Crazy B***h 3:22 Buckcherry 2006 11 Crazy B***h - Single Rock 4/13/2006 11:15 AM
Bad Day 3:52 Daniel Powter 2005 3 Daniel Powter Rock 4/10/2006 1:41 PM
The Sound of Settling 2:12 Death Cab For Cutie 2003 3 Transatlanticism Alternative 4/13/2006 11:24 AM
Cold (But I'm Still Here) [Single Version] 3:58 Evans Blue 2005 11 Cold (But I'm Still Here) - Single Rock 3/27/2006 11:07 PM
Someday 4:01 Flipsyde 2005 4 We the People (Revised Version) Hip-Hop/Rap 4/10/2006 1:55 PM
Where'd You Go 3:51 Fort Minor 2005 2 The Rising Tied Hip-Hop/Rap 4/13/2006 11:12 AM
She Is 3:56 The Fray 2005 9 How to Save a Life Rock 4/12/2006 2:16 AM
History 4:09 Funeral For A Friend 2005 7 Hours Rock 4/10/2006 2:16 PM
Cash Machine 3:42 Hard-FI 2006 1 Stars of CCTV Alternative 4/13/2006 11:28 AM
Love and Memories 3:25 O.A.R. 2005 2 Stories of a Stranger Rock 4/13/2006 11:52 AM
Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off 3:20 Panic! At The Disco 2005 3 A Fever You Can't Sweat Out Alternative 4/13/2006 11:22 AM
But It's Better When We Do 3:25 Panic! At The Disco 2005 4 A Fever You Can't Sweat Out Alternative 4/5/2006 9:26 AM
Scars 3:28 Papa Roach 2004 30 Getting Away With Murder Rock 4/13/2006 11:45 AM
At Your Funeral 3:09 Saves the Day 2004 2 Stay What You Are Alternative 4/10/2006 2:09 PM
Truth 3:50 Seether 2005 8 Karma and Effect Alternative 4/13/2006 11:48 AM
Hands Open 3:17 Snow Patrol 2006 3 Hands Open - Single Alternative 4/13/2006 11:56 AM
What Are You Doing, Man? That's Weird! 2:56 Valencia 2005 12 This Could Be a Possibility Alternative 4/13/2006 11:40 AM


A Ton of good music out there go get it, and get my Karate High School record, or Revery.....so I can make some money, that may help me sort things out ...just kidding, I had money, lots of it, and now have none, and the truth is the difference in my head is absolutely nothing, which in the long run is confusing, and not at all what you would htink......but hell take care